TO CRY OR NOT TO CRY
I’ve not been one that cries easily. Likely stemming from my childhood days, when my father would quip, “If you don’t stop crying…I’ll give you something to cry about!” Or with my mother, I learned to stuff my emotions because if they gave way, I was soon scolded or sent out of site. Emotions or tears only made things worse!
Or maybe, like me, the thought of being undone in front of people gets you squirming. One of my pet peeves about myself is that when I get angry, I often start tearing up and the crying starts. I’d rather show that I’m angry, but in the process of trying to keep it at bay, the tears are what comes out – only making me more upset at myself for letting my weakness show.
Do you have one of those junk drawers in the kitchen? Like that drawer, we can continue to stuff emotions as if it’s another object to be hidden away from others. Eventually, that same junk drawer over time becomes so crammed full of different objects that it will no longer close, and the contents start spilling out onto us or others. When we have unresolved feelings, we often project them onto others and things just get messy at that point.
Another thing I’m guilty of is not seeing other people. It’s much easier when I’m compromised to put my head down, get to the task at hand. This way I eliminate anyone in my peripheral vision. I don’t take notice of others, and I readily accept their “fine,” because I’ve got plenty of overwhelming “fines” of my own. I might see in front of me, but I miss everything in between.
STORY:
I was jogging once with my husband, trying to train for a half marathon (a long time ago). As we were running, we saw two younger brothers playing in the front yard. You could hear them yelling out to each other, “Blam! Blam!” “Aww, you got me!” They were playing army or war of some kind.
The older brother saw us jogging their way along the sidewalk. He immediately got off the sidewalk and into the grass closer to the front of their house. He motioned to his younger brother to come his way, but when the younger brother turned to see us, he had a different response. He chose to freeze into an action position, thinking he was camouflaged, and we couldn’t see him.
Steve and I chuckled to each other and as we were passing by, I exclaimed to my husband, “Hey Steve, weren’t there two boys here?” “Where did the other one go?” The look on the two boys’ faces was priceless! The younger brother was pleased as punch we couldn’t see him. The older brother couldn’t believe we didn’t see his brother!
When I think back on that story, I can’t help but relate it to the fact that we all are guilty of hiding in plain sight! Have you seen those quips on Facebook, “I can’t adult today!” or “I just can’t!”
Maybe, like me, you say, “I’m fine.” whenever someone asks about how you’re doing or how you’re feeling. My husband knows me well enough that if I say, “I’m fine,” as an answer, I’m usually not.
It typically means, I haven’t figured something out yet, or I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t have the capacity to dwell on it. It’s more of a pushback, saying I’m not ready to deal with it yet, or I need more time.
Sometimes I just haven’t had time to articulate myself in a way I think the other person may need to hear it, which is another form of editing myself because of what others may think of me.
What happens when I don’t see people? It comes from brokenness. Hiding means I haven’t dealt with the feelings, emotions, or trauma. It develops into a hardened shell, a self-protection that empties and drains any empathy for others. I can’t see them because I’m too busy trying to protect myself from getting hurt.
THERE IS GOOD NEWS FRIENDS!
JESUS LOVES US ENOUGH NOT TO LEAVE US THAT WAY AND DESIRES TO MEET US IN OUR CRY.
In the Bible it says:
Matthew 12:20 “A bruised reed he will not break; a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.”
A reed in biblical times was used as a measuring rod, 6 cubits high, roughly 6 ft tall. A bruised reed once its weak becomes brittle, it lacks support.
A smoldering wick speaks of a light that had high energy, but now wanes as it has little of the life that was once in it.
When you don’t feel you measure up, or your never “enough,” you become brittle. When you are overwhelmed, burned out, or weary you feel, and act diminished. Both are enough to make you cry.
When we are feeling that way from not measuring up, letting life beat us up, when the losses and secondary losses make us feel that we want to hide in plain sight, and we stop seeing others right in front of us – it is a clear sign that we need to stop what we’re doing and process our hurts, emotions, feelings, and more…
The somewhere you and I need to get to be is the place where we let Jesus and others “Meet me in the Cry.” It’s a safe place, where even the snot bubbles are allowed to form, the tears are allowed to flow, and angry words can be said out loud.
It’s the journal we write, or the letter we type – but don’t send. It’s the hot mess of emotions tumbling over each other until we can sit and name each one and why. In the cry we lament our disappointments, broken dreams or promises and even our losses, secondary losses, and more.
We bring out of hiding anger, hurt, confusion, and blame. We wrestle with the whys, how come, and it’s not fair. And we cry.
KEY VERSES:
David learned to sit with the Lord, and David leaned on the Lord. He wanted the Lord to meet him in his cry.
Psalm 139: 1-16
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 56:8
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.” NLT
Psalm 34:15 & 17-19
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
“A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.”
Phillippians 4:6-7
“Peace that passes all understanding.”
PRACTICAL STEPS:
We can take steps to stop these cycles and learn a new one. God’s word shows us that he wants to meet us in our cry. He is Emmanuel, God with us! (Matthew 1:23)
Make time to sit in silence, sit with our emotions, sit with our questions, sit with our prayers before God. We can cry, lament, let everything spill out as we sit at the feet of Jesus.
We can engage with Biblical counselors, professional counselors, and safe confidants who have our best interest in mind. We can ask for prayer from trusted pastors and friends.
We can pray the word over us, our situation. We can walk through forgiveness, and release the person/situation to Jesus, and by the power of the Holy Spirit walk in freedom.
We can journal, we can sing, we can dance, and we can live again in a way that leads to healing.
