When the page does not write itself, you begin to wonder if you are hearing anything at all. Why the standstill? How long will the long in-betweens last? Where do I look if not to you, Oh Lord? Waiting can seem to take forever, and the silence can seem deafening.

I take time in the morning and evening to pray, to listen. I rattle on through my lists and I am sure sometimes the Lord is nodding his head saying, “Yes, yes, my daughter, I know; I know!” 

This has been a season of rest for me. Some of you might be saying, but you’ve taken so long to get to this place, don’t rush it – don’t waste it – don’t…

I don’t want to do any of those things. But I’m also leaning in with an expectation of hearing my father speak. The counselor council. I want the Spirit of Wisdom to download some extra measure of needed insight and inspiration. I long for his words, not mine own.

I want and wait.

Breathing in and breathing out while sitting in silence has become precious to me. Taking time to take in all that is before my eyes, the trees, the birds, the flowers, etc. has become my practice. Appreciating my husband, my family, and all that he has given me keeps me humble as I petition him daily. Closing my eyes to hear only his words upon the pages of my heart, open and expand my capacity to engage with the living God, the King of Kings, Jesus.

Tears run down as I encounter his nearness and gentleness all at the same time. I am overcome with gratitude. Time after time he allows his presence to be felt by me in the stirring of my heart.

Today I heard, “I want to go deeper still.  I want to go deeper.”  Perhaps, it is in the silence of when we are empty of ourselves that the real work can begin. I am simply waiting for the author of heaven to begin a new chapter, because “He is the author and finisher of my faith.” (Hebrews 12:2), and that “He who began a good work in me will (continue to) perfect and complete until the day of Christ.” (Philippians 1:6).

I’m waiting for he who holds my heart to write his words upon those blank pages.

What are you waiting for?