One morning, I was having my devotion at my usual spot on the deck looking at the trees.  There I sat with my coffee and bible. My dog, Orbie, was doing his morning perimeter check of the fence around our yard.  I normally come out because of the peace and quiet.  I also really enjoy the view of the trees and the sounds of the birds. I always hope that one of those birds, especially a hummingbird, comes to one of the feeders I’ve set out for them. 

Hard day…

On this particular morning, I was feeling rather dejected, anxious, and defeated.  I had an argument with my husband on the last day of our 2-day vacation to the beach. So much for relaxing!  My employer had failed to pay me for a working trip I had taken two weeks prior, and my paycheck was past its expected arrival date.  When I inquired about my pay, it seemed implied that my hours were likely going to get cut as future projects were now being cancelled, leaving me to wonder if I now needed to look for a new job.  On top of that, my husband had also not been paid for several working projects which were being counted on.  So, our rent payment was looming, due today, albeit with a five-day grace period.  But while I appreciate grace periods, I’m much more of a pay early when you can kind of girl.  Lastly, on a popular site’s wish list, I had been trying to purchase a gray crib combination changing table for my expecting son and daughter-in-law to buy with my next check, only to find out, it was now out of stock.

My go to…

I did what I always do: pray.  It’s interesting and telling to realize when you’re praying, fervency comes through most when your desperate, empty, or have nothing to offer.  It does say in the word to pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:16-18; Job 22:27).  Does this include rent?  Does this include cribs?  Does this include work?  Of course, it does!  Pray without ceasing is to be in a constant state of prayer.  Meaning there’s not one part of my life I don’t pray about – the good, the bad, and the ugly! 

God is intentional, after all, He made you and I with our own uniqueness and qualities that only He could.  It also means that He is not only about the big picture things in our lives.  Jesus is interested in the state of affairs in our lives and everything in it.  Jesus intimately cares about not only the health in our physical bodies, and more importantly our spiritual bodies, but also I believe in our mental health as well.  When circumstances seem to careen off a cliff like a runaway car might, we feel the impending crash coming.  Those are the things that send us reeling in our thought life, get caught in the heart, and break open through our words, our steely or weepy gaze, and sometimes by our withdrawing altogether.  It’s one of the ways the enemy tries to insert himself in, by trying to get you to believe lies.  He tries to convince you that you don’t matter, certainly not to God.  That you don’t deserve this or that. That happy endings are for fools.  That God is too busy to notice or care about you at all.  That you somehow deserve the junk you’re dealing with or even worse, that you have to earn God’s affections.  Lies!

Intentional Requests…

But despite how I felt, I still prayed.  After reminding the Lord that He brought my husband and myself all the way to North Carolina from Ohio, the epitome of, “I know you didn’t bring me all this way to leave me now.” “You have always been faithful, always come through, always led us without ever leaving us, leaving me.”  Me.  I always come back to me in my desperateness.   Then, I began to ask for something intentional, direct, explicit even.  I asked him to send me a hummingbird.  I attached to the hummingbird a meaning coming directly as a sign from my counselor, my friend, my confidant, my Lord.  The bird was to be a token from Him that everything would be alright.  Note that at this point it doesn’t matter to me how it will be alright – that’s all in God’s hands; I just needed His assurance that it was.

I know what you’re thinking.  You put out a HUMMINGBIRD FEEDER dummy, what did you think was going to happen???  Yes, I did.  Yet, I had not seen one come in a week.  So, I asked the Lord to send the green one.  He did; a light one with a lime colored back and tannish gray body.  Then, I ask again.  “Lord, how about the green and red one?”  There.  That’s real specific, especially since I had only seen him one other time in the 3 short months we’ve been here.  He came bright green with a red belly.  Ok, I have to admit I was shocked.  But not as shocked as when I followed up with,  “Alright, how about a blue one?”  I’ve not seen a blue hummingbird.  I felt like I was Gideon, putting out my fleece for God to soak or dry up (Judges 6:33-40) because I wanted to make sure that this wasn’t something in my head, this was really happening! And, He did; He sent the blue bird!  And just like He showed up for Gideon, He showed up for me! 

Showing Up…

Tears are streaming down my face as I contemplate the God of the Universe once again showing up for me.  See, my faith has always been big enough for someone else’s miracle.  It just has felt, more often than not, that I have to contend more, ask more, wait more for Him to show up for me.  The truth is that it seems harder for me.  The reality is that most times it’s the same for everyone else. We’re all learning how to rely on Jesus, be patient, be preserving – words everyone knows we have to learn by doing, but quite simply don’t want to.

Wisdom Truth…

I think the other truth is that we often times aren’t willing to wait, listen, or look for God’s answers. We are practiced at leveling our complaints and pleas, then walking away.  We then move on in our own strength to try to figure things out or dig ourselves out of the pit we may have very well put ourselves into.  When we do that, we miss God’s answer to us, relief to us, and care for us.  Matthew 10:29-32 speaks of God’s care for even one of the smallest and least valued creatures, a sparrow.  And tells us not to worry, because we are worth so much more to Him.

Wait, Look, and Listen…

We apologized to one another, and all was forgiven.  He got paid and so did the rent.  I got paid and a bonus for the working trip with assurance that everything was just fine.  I was able to order the same crib combo, just in a different color.  All in all, I believe I counted over 6 hummingbirds that day, literally and figuratively.  I have not counted that many in a day since, but they still do come.  It’s mostly the light one with a lime colored back and tannish gray body.  But I won’t see them unless I make time to wait, to look, and listen. Proverbs 13:12 “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”  You have to watch for those hummingbirds, because He’s sending them your way!

(Title/Inlaid photo credit: kat_-g-u6X3EveJ4Do-unsplash-scaled.jpg)